I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
