And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
