she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
