he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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