I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
