it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
