Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
