This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize