My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im having a threesome with these popsicles
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
