I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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