just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
These tits shall not be calmed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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