Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
