i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
