I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
