I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
