you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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