dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
