you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
