how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
