whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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