6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
