I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
