I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
