You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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