i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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