Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
