oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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