Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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