So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
