I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
