how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
