Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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