I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
