dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
