ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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