i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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