Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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