Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
