i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
