When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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