and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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