About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
