I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
