I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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