Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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