Me too!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
