When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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