we're blogging at a bar
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
