I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
