I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
