I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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