At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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