No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
