Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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