No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize