I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
