you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
