Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
