Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
