We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
don't judge my taste in strippers
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
