Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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