We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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