Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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