Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
