Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
